Too good to be true?

Saturday, I had a meeting with a Private Investigator that I met at my old firm. PI Guy brought a huge case to Old Boss and was around the office a lot. We got along really well. Nice guy, middle-aged, smart (enough, but can't spell worth a crap), and he knows a ton of people. He does a lot of legal work and gives legal advice - basically pretends to be an attorney. He's been known to do clients' legal research and write their pleadings. If ever there was a person committing Unauthorized Practice, this is the guy (he's been accused 3 times, but never sued or otherwise sanctioned).

Anyhow, he calls me on Friday to pitch me some cases he's working on, and wants a lawyer to work on. Basically, he's at a stopping point on many of his cases because he can't do hearings. He had a sense of urgency - mostly because he has a forcible detainer case where PI has been helping a home-owner evict a tenant for lease breaches. The thing is, the home is technically owned by the guy's corporation, and a corporation can only be represented by an attorney or an officer of the corp (they haven't appointed officers yet, not that it matters, he's the sole owner) - so the court told him an attorney must file a Notice of Appearance before the judge will grant relief. So I go to PI's office, listen to the facts, procedural history, and current status of the case and give him some of my thoughts. Then came the mind-blowing portion of the discussion.

PI Guy wants to find an attorney, bring them on board, create an LLC, and become business partners. PI Guy will pay my dues, CLE fees, liability insurance, Westlaw access, and front all costs associated with the cases (expert fees, filing costs, law clerk salaries, everything.) I would be salaried initially (to ensure an income), and then once the business gets going (and in any event, less than 1 year), I become an equal shareholder and receive 1/2 of the profits. I get to write the employment agreement.

Obviously, my greatest concerns revolve around being able to competently represent our clients. Most cases are property law, red car/ blue car accidents, employment law, and some criminal work. I've done one case from start to finish - a straightforward car accident case where the insurance company folded and forked over the entire amount of the first demand. So my experience is light to say the least. I am not confident that I would be capable of becoming familiar with all the various areas of law in time to meet the deadlines in some of the cases (there are hearings as early as next week.) For example, in the forcible detainer case - I have no idea what to think about the fact that the corporation hasn't appointed officers yet, but already owns property (hiding assets?) -- Who would I sign the retainer agreement with? -- Would it be valid? -- These are all things I would need to figure out stat. Not to mention having to learn the applicable law for the action itself... It seems a bit overwhelming. But I guess there's lots of pros to learning how to fly a plane while you're building it. I just don't want clients to pa the cost of my inexperience.

What do you think? What would are your greatest concerns/questions? Does it sound too good? Is it a bad idea for a new attorney to jump right into a solo-practice? What obstacles do you foresee? Bonuses? Anyone ever done anything like this? How did it go?

Any and all questions/thoughts/ideas/opinions are welcome (actually, I'm begging you guys on this one.)

I'm supposed to decide soonish.

Advice on Advice

I saw a Legal Recruiter today. Nice enough girl. I wore my standard interview skirt-suit. Recruiter Lady gave me some "tips" for my upcoming Thursday interview:

1) Earrings: No danglies. I was wearing light blue earrings that matched my suit and they hang about 1/2 inch from my ears. She told me to get studs, if I insist on wearing earrings.

2) Hair: I wore my hair down today, after putting it in rollers and getting some pimp wavy glory. She told me to wear it back in a tight, not loose, bun.

3) Suit: The suit I wore today is black, with small, barely noticeable, light blue pinstripes. Underneath the coat, I wore a light blue shell. She told me to wear an all black suit, with a simple white blouse underneath. Also told me to wear nylons, which I already knew. I simply was not about to wear them in 110 degree weather just to meet Recruiter Lady. She was lucky I even wore a suit. I seriously considered nice slacks with a blouse, sans coat.

4) Standard jewelry: Most disturbing tip received. Recruiter lady told me not to wear my engagement ring to interviews. "You can wear it after you get the job", she said in a transparent attempt to encourage my discomfort at this piece of advice. WTF: why would a potential candidate be faulted for being in a serious relationship?

I see the value of the nylons, that one's a given. I kinda see the value of the bun... the earrings threw me. Most of all, the whole "don't wear your engagement ring" thing threw me to a land far, far away.

What does anyone think about this? If you have tips on interview appearance, please, God please, someone share of your wisdom. Because after talking to Recruiter Lady, I am so totally lost.

~~ Freak Out ~~

So Today I Went to This Interview...

... and I met a few attorneys at BigLaw. Most of these meetings went extremely well. But one thing has me very concerned. One of the Partners I met kept asking and talking (more so the talking) about Old Boss. Basically, he hates Old Boss. No surprise. Most defense attorneys hate Old Boss. But he went on and on about it, gossiping about Old Boss. It made me uncomfortable. He asked me direct questions about how I felt about Old Boss. I tried to be kind and evasive:

Lex: "Old Boss is a smart man; a great attorney. He's really nice, but we did have professional differences.He'svery hands-on, which works for him, but I knew I would see little opportunity for development."

Interviewer: More bad things about Old Boss.

Lex: More uncomfortable. Tried to change the conversation a few times, but inevitably it landed in the same spot.

I dunno what to think. I will admit that I laughed at a couple of good burns that he directed at Old Boss. But what was the motivation? Was I being tested to see if I'm gossipy? Was Interviewer feeling me out to determine why I want to do defense after doing plaintiffs work for so long? Did he want to ensure I don't like Old Boss? Was he searching for a vendetta that might drive me? A vendetta that demonstrates unprofessional levels of emotion? Was he simply venting? Was my inability to stop said vent my undoing? I have no idea. It's strange.

Lets hope tomorrow's interview goes smoother. I know an attorney at this firm and told him that I interviewed somewhere else - so, if they really want me, they better get on the ball. Partner called me the next day, told me they needed someone with my experience, and scheduled me for an all-day, meet-everyone, free-lunch, interview. Sweet.

Wish me luck.

S.O.S.

Hello all!

Have an interview at BigLaw Friday. I'm excited, but nervous. I want this job so frickin' bad!!!

Anyhow, I want to go on Stalker Status with some of the partners I'm meeting with. In an ideal world, I would like to read some of their recent cases. I want to WestLaw/ LameLexis them, but have no access...

Which brings me to my request:

- Anybody know how to find cases (by searching the attorney) online, for free?

- Anybody ballsy enough to do a search for me and pass along some cases?

Any and all help would be appreciated. Email me at exactapproximations@gmail.com if you can help or are kind enough to throw me a pep-speech.

Wish me luck!!!

Turkelton's Words of Wisdom

"Can't talk now, good things happenin" - Chris Turk

Finally.

Surgery was approved. I go under the knife to get my womanhood removed. Probably on the 23d or 24th.

BigLaw called. I'm scheduled to meet with a buncha partners and associates next week. Biggest concern BigLaw has is a lack of experience. I haven't done many depositions and the Old Boss never let me do oral argument. Any advice on how to handle this hurdle is greatly appreciated. Especially those of you at BigLaw. Anything you've got on what BigLaw wants to hear/ see/ anything would be a big help.

Got some food stamps. Sweet. Now we can eat. Yee-haw!

Mom is still here. That's always a good thing. Mommys help. Good ones do.

Daughter came home yesterday!!! I almost cried I was so happy to see her. She was gone for five weeks. Longest we've ever been separated.

Step-Son is coming today!!!! I haven't seen him since April. When both of the kids are here, I'm the happiest I can be. Today and tomorrow are going to be awesome.

I really want to thank all of you who are still reading and left kind words of support. That really did me good. It's amazing how people you don't even really know can be there for you. That's been the best part of the blogosphere. I'm interested in those who commented. Long time lurkers I've never heard of.

"Make Mine a Triple": I inserted lots of fun obscenities. That was a great exercise in making fun of Old Boss. You'll be on the blogroll soon.

Busto: Here's to taking it to the next level. We exchanged "real names" recently. I have a MySpace under my real name if you want to be my friend.

Sarah: Word on the vacation. I've had a ton of time off of work, but none of it for fun. I really want to go to Disneyland. Or Africa. That would be awesome.

Nony "This to Shall Pass": You're right. I"m finally starting to see that things have to get better. Now I'm wondering where you went to school and if I know you. I'm a Boaltie - graduated in Spring 2005. If you did too, or went to my school, email me your name. I want to look you up in the facebook. Please keep lurking - I'm an attention whore.

Special thanks out to Sadie and Uncle Reptile. I know I stayed in my room, but it helped knowing you guys were there and care so much.

To the family: I don't think I'll be ready to talk about all this until after surgery when I can see the light. I love you all and hope you understand my contact delay.

"Sometimes I watch Roots to remind myself how good I have it." - Chris Turk.

Es Weird

Blogger is only letting me put titles in on Edit Html mode. Not cool, I'm no html girl. Unfortunately.

BigLaw called today. I made it past Stage One and will be going in for a second interview. Is nice.

More importantly, I discovered Joshua Radin. I might be at the late show on this one. I care not.

Tomorrow morning, I'm off to the welfare office to try to score some food stamps. Then I go to the county hospital's "Women's Health Clinic" to see about a surgery. All around good times.

Law degree so paying off.

Hmmm... it won't let me put in a title... WTF?

Sorry for the long absence... i haven't exactly been inspired.

I lost my job in May. I was hospitalized and The Boss fired me for being sick. About a year ago, when he fired Bitchy Paralegal for being sick, I told The Boss we needed to research and make sure he wasn't violating FMLA or the ADA. Armed with the knowledge that he doesn't have enough employees to be liable - I got shit-canned. One week later, word came that Bitchy Paralegal died. She was young.

Anyhow, on top of that, looks like I need another surgery. This should be the last one, a hysterectomy. I dreamt last night that I had a baby - a little girl. She was beautiful. That will never happen now.

I spent July 4th in a Psychiatric Hospital. Dude, people in there are fucking crazy. I never felt so sane in my life, even though I was in there with them. Long story short, short-sighted Lex was considering euthanizing herself. Honestly my friends, I don't know how much longer I can handle being sick. Life just isn't life like this.

So I scared the shit out of everyone and embarrassed myself severely. I'm a wreck. My mind is a disaster and I can't stay out of it. Fiance' has done everything - he loves me so much - but I suppose that's his misfortune. Right now anyhow. My mom also flew in and I got to lay my head in her chest and cry and cry for the first time in years.

I interviewed with BigLaw last week. We shall see.

I'll try to post more often. I'm back only because my grandmother, the Grand Republican Matriarch, told me she thinks I should keep writing. She's probably right, it does help.

Guilt

Front Secretary was away at lunch when I heard the door open. I walked to the front to see if there was a delivery or something, since we're not expecting any clients or runners right now. At the door was (I would later learn), Benefit Guy - our firm's liason with the insurance carrier that covers the employees. We were talking about real estate and I mentioned that I was a renter. Benefit Guy said there is no reason for me to be a renter anymore. I responded that I had a ton of debt - school, medical, family loans... At this point, Benefit Guy pulled me aside and told me that the firm's premium had increased significantly this year, due to the number of claims made by member's of the group's plan in 2006. Those were my claims. He wasn't a jerk about it or anything, but he didn't need to be. His reaction is not the one that worries me.

The Boss is so not going to be happy, especially since I'm getting sick again. It's been back for a few weeks, I just wasn't ready to tell yet. It was nice to be in "everything's ok again" land for a little while. I'm not handling the recurrence so well.

=(

Bum Precedent and The Boss' Ego

This week, we found two recent State Supreme Court cases that suck. Sucks for Plaintiffs. Sucks for Plaintiffs' Attorneys. And sucks for Jurisdictional Jollyness everywhere. Basically, the precedent allows certain entities to get out of cases fairly easily by getting them kicked out of court for lack of jurisdiction on bullshit technicalities. The Boss was SO not happy about it.

He gave me his "why this is bad" diatribe.
Then he cursed the State Supreme Court.
Then he said, "I'm not going to ride bikes with [Justice] anymore."
Then Lex said: "Really, you're going to drop names at a time like this?"

He is such an egomaniac.

Performance Review

I just got the transcript from my very first deposition. I immediately did an intense read of the entire thing. Marked up all of my self-determined mistakes. During the second read, I marked the deposition for actual testimonial content. As though witness testimony matters or something.

I found 17 spots where I messed up. Mostly places where I could have made an objection or jumped in and coached without getting into trouble. Of the 17 mistakes, 2 were egregious: 1) I told my client to slow down and not be nervous, implying that she was nervous; and 2) I made a stupid psychology comment in the context of a "vague as to time" objection. Basically, my client was asked howPlaintiff would behave when angry. I asked during what time period, because perceptions of how a person expresses anger can vary depending upon the perceiver's age. Dee-dee-dee. Why didn't I just tell her that my witness saw Plaintiff express anger ten different kinds of ways...? Grumble.

On the plus side, my review led to giving myself 1 Gold Star. For not objecting. At the time, I remember thinking "gee, there is no foundation, this assumes facts not in evidence... But I'll just shut up anyhow soas not to tip Defense Counsel off." I said nothing. The question was phrased in such a way that my client could answer honestly, yet, had Defense Counsel followed up, unpleasant testimony might have come out. Fortunately, I held my tongue, said nothing, didn't tip Defense Counsel off and we all moved forward.

Sigh: 17 Outs to 1 Safe. Lexie not happy.

Networking with the Right People.

This week, we have computer geeks coming in to pitch us their plan for our all-over system upgrade. Today's presentation was brought to us by Bob, computer dork extraordinaire. He totally dug me. It was so obvious.

Republican Paralegal and I were in the conference room getting the low down from Bob, when Republican Paralegal left to go get The Boss. Bob and I sat alone and he started asking about where I went to school, what kind of law we do. I kindly answered all of his questions, pretending to be super-engaged, asking him the same questions back. After the small talk, we got down to brass tacks:

Lex: "So, Bob. If we get all this new stuff you've written out here, will that allow people to track the internet activity of each individual's work stations?"
Bob: "Well, that would take extra programs..."
Lex: "I'm just wondering if it's part of what you're pitching."
Bob: Grinning. "No, that would take some more. Currently, and even if we installed this new stuff, a person would have to physically go in and view your history."
Lex: "Yeah, that gets deleted all the time."
Bob: "Cookies and everything?"
Lex: Aaaaahhh.... he's worried about me. "Yeah."
Bob: "You're fine. [The Boss] doesn't currently have any other way of knowing what you're up too."
Lex: "Oh no, not me...."
Bob: "Sure thing." Wink.
Lex: Grinning. "Do me a favor, if you install anything like that, just come by my office and let me know. I would be super-interested in understanding how such technology works." Eyelash bat.
Bob: "I'll be more than happy to. I won't tell anyone." Puts up his pinky finer like we're going to swear on it or something. More smiles.
Lex: "That would be awesome. And I'll push for your company to get the job. Deal?"
Bob: "Deal."
~ Enter Republican Paralegal sans The Boss ~
Lex: "Bob..." Hand outstretched. "It was very nice to meet you. Hope to see you again."
Bob: "You too Lex."
Lex: Off to blog about Bob.

Morning Talk

At work this morning, Republican Paralegal, Office Manager and I were talking:

Republican Paralegal: "I was at church last night, running the youth activity, and the kids were having so much fun. Our church is renovating the informational desk..."

Lex: Interrupting. "Your church has an informational desk?" That's weird, wouldn't a church Informational Desk consist of a table with a Bible on it?

Republican Paralegal: Annoyed. "Yeah, it does. Anyhow, we let the kids tear some of the old stuff down, and one little girl hit another little girl with a sledgehammer."

Office Manager: "Oh my gosh, was she ok?"

Lex: Less interested in the health update. "That's what they get for destroying the House of God."

Republican Paralegal: "Geez Lex..." Turns to Office Manager. "Yes, she's fine. Her mom came to pick her up and take her home, and she started crying because she didn't want to leave."

Phone rings. Call for Lex. Conversation with Client. Client ends call with "God Bless You."

Lex: Walks back into hallway and asks Office Manager and Republican Paralegal: "How do you respond when you're an Atheist and someone says God Bless You, without being rude?"

Republican Paralegal: "Just say thank you."

Lex: "Okay, so no trying to convert them huh?"

Office Manager: "You're an Atheist?"

Lex: "You didn't know?"

Office Manager: "I didn't."

Lex: "Yeah, it's no secret. Haven't you seen my screensaver? It's a picture of a dinosaur and it says 'never forget.'"

Office Manager: "No, I've never seen it.

Lex: "Yeah, I'm not down with God. I think religion is a mild form of socially-induced schizophrenia." Waved my hands in the air like a crazy person. "Ooooohhh no, there's a Big Man in the sky watching everything I do and he knows all my thoughts."

Republican Paralegal: Shocked.

Office Manager: Shocked. "Social schizophrenia huh..."

Lex: "Yeah, totally." Walk back into my office, ready for the day's work.

Funny Depo Quotations

I'm reading a deposition of a treating doctor in one of our cases. Asking him some background questions, he stated that he had given a deposition in a previous case - not as a defendant - but as a treating doctor involved in the plaintiff's care after the "injury." When questioned about how he fitted in, the doctor replied:

"The patient attempted suicide. She was taken to another facility and resuscitated. During the resuscitation, the patient swallowed one of the medical devices, a nasal trumpet. Then, she had subsequent problems."

So the lady tried to kill herself, failed, and swallowed the orange nose piece we've all seen at the dentist (you know, the one that gives you the happy air--laughing gas). Then the lady has the balls to sue the people that kept her alive because her dumbass swallowed a big orange thing.

Question: What would be the measure of damages for a person who had self-determined to end their life? I mean, how can you argue future damages and lost earnings? How can you argue pain and suffering? How could your family argue loss of love and affection if they were going to have to deal with your death anyhow?

I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever take such a case.

Dee-dee-dee.

Reporting In.

Oh man, the deposition was Awesome!!! The Boss left me to do it alone. I was scared, but tried to hide it beneath all my green. About five minutes in, I realized I had yet to make an objection. So I just started throwing those fuckers out every 5-7 questions, just to screw with his tempo. Wasn't even quite sure why I was objecting most times - I just went with "If it sounds wrong, object." I really should have taken some moot court or trial practice courses. Who knew I'd end up a civil litigator? In any event, it got to the point where he'd ask a question, and then look at me for my response. Awesome. I totally heard the Star Wars music.

Anyhow, I was slightly insulted today when a fellow attorney failed to notice the level I'm playing at. Elevator talk, as always, can clear up confusions regarding the assumptions we make about people.

BigLaw Lady: "Where's your stuff?"
Lex: "Huh?"
BigLaw Lady: "You leave it upstairs?"
Lex: "Leave what upstairs?"
BigLaw Lady: "Aren't you a court reporter? I always see you around and thought you were a reporter."
Lex: Laughing. More Star Wars music. "No, I'm a lawyer." It feels good to be able to say that finally.
BigLaw Lady: "Really? You work for [The Boss]?"
Lex: Dee-dee-dee. There's only two firms on this floor. "Yup."
BigLaw Lady: "What kind of work do you do?"
Lex: Ambulance chasing. You know damn well what we do. "Ah, you know, personal injury, wrongful death. Mostly catastrophic damages type stuff."
BigLaw Lady: "Oh, I'm surprised we haven't..."
Lex: "Seen eachother across the table? I'm sure the day will come. Look forward to it."
BigLaw Lady: Awkward smile. "Me too."

Yeah, see you then lady. I'll kick your ass. Well, The Boss will kick your ass, but I'll be spottin'.

Paying the Price of Getting Paid.

Officer Manager just left my office. The Boss left the office two hours ago.

Apparently, The Boss learned sometime within the last hour via telephone that he may be able to meet with a potential HotShot at the end of the week. Unfortunately, that meeting conflicts with depositions we have scheduled throughout the entire day.

The Boss really, really, really wants to meet this person. So, during the phone call, he tells Office Manager "That's O.k., we'll just have Lex do the depositions."

Huh? What?! Holy can of Copenhagen!!!

I've never done a deposition. I've never practiced a deposition. I haven't read up on the ins and outs of depositions and am not sure of the proper grounds for objection during said deposition. And all of my green newbie mistakes will be typed up by a Court Reporter who will be able to swear to my idiocy. Fuck. I am totally scared.

More importantly, I am totally excited!!!

By the by, raise talks worked out. The Boss hooked Lex up.

The Boss Audits Lex, And I Don't Care

I gave my salary "proposal" to The Boss. In (very, very ) summarized fashion - it went something like this:

Lex: Speech about all he has done for me and how terrible I feel asking for a raise. "I need a ridiculous amount of money."
The Boss: Gets Lex to give him the bottom line salary. The Boss says "No" approximately six times.
**An hour of conversation follows, where I am questioned re: my desire to be a trial attorney, in our field, at his firm, for a good, solid, loyal, long-time, working my little blonde ass off BigLaw style. I do not make any comment about how Office Manager makes 85k+, and newly employed Republican Paralegal makes 72K - I've been sworn to secrecy on that information and, although it would be nice to mention that I'm the only other attorney in the office and, yet, make the lowest salary, I forego that argument as I also have loyalty to my co-workers who made me promise not to mention their salaries.**
Lex: Kisses mad ass, again showering The Boss with gratitude for all he has done, apologizing for asking for so much, and thanking him for giving me a job I am proud of with clients I care about. I really mean all I am saying. "I wouldn't ask for this much if I didn't need it."

I briefly show The Boss a spreadsheet of my projected income needs. The Boss questions why I went about renegotiation by coming in, telling him I had an amount I absolutely have to make. Said it came off like an insulting ultimatum. The Boss thought I should have come to him, told him my situation, seen how much he would be willing to bump my salary, and attempt to figure out the rest by asking for advances or something. At the end of the hour and a half long talk - he returned to the loyalty issue. I said:

Lex: "Listen, I know I could have come in here, done the back and forth and got the most I could out of you, then looked for another job behind your back. But to me, part of loyalty is honesty, and if I'm going to have to look for another position, you deserve the opportunity to start looking for a new associate. I didn't want to find a new job and then bail on you with two weeks notice. And I realize I might not find someone else to pay me what I need. I realize it could take months. I know that being up front could kill me in the end, because you could fire me and I'll be up the creek. I know this might not be the best strategy for me personally, but I didn't want to lie to you. For all you have done for me, you deserve better than that. "
The Boss: Stunned perhaps? "I understand that, that makes sense. I can appreciate that."

This all happened Wednesday. The Boss was out of the office getting CLE credits on Thursday. On Friday, The Boss enters my office, closes the door and says:

The Boss: "Normally, I wouldn't do this, because it's none of my business. But I need a better idea of where your costs are coming from. You said you have a spreadsheet?"

This time, I give The Boss a copy of the spreadsheet. The Boss looks at the spreadsheet. He asks for documentation of certain elements. He wants to know what the total balances on my student loan and credit card debt consolidation accounts are. The Boss wants to know the interest rates on these accounts. I have no idea why he wants this info. Is he going to cough up for the balance of some of the higher interest accounts, and then let me pay him back over time? Is he just making sure I'm not bullshitting when I say I need 85k from a solo-practitioner Plaintiff's attorney?

Who knows. I'll gather the information he wants. Hopefully he will give me an answer before I give myself an ulcer. For all I know, The Boss will walk into my office tomorrow, and tell me "You're fired, arrogant bitch." But he may try to make it work somehow. I don't know.

And today, I don't care. I'm on top of the world.

Step-Son is coming. Boyfriend and Daughter left to go pick him up about an hour ago. He will be here for a week. A whole week. It's so much more than we ever expected when we made a visitation agreement with Boyfriend's Baby Mama (BBM). But she randomly said we could have him for a week and she didn't back out. Step-Son is coming. He is, literally, on his way here RIGHT NOW. In just a few minutes, I get to pick him up and hug him and love him and play Thomas the Tank Engine with him. Tonight, I get to give him a bath for the first time and watch him sleep. I've never seen Step-Son sleep.

I might lose my job.
I might have to work at BigLaw to get by.
I might find myself unemployed and freaking the fuck out.

But this week I don't care. Nothing can make me sad.

Step-Son is coming!!!!!!!

When I have my family, I get that feeling. The way I want to always feel. That calm happiness of being with the people you love more than anything.

I'm so happy.