Beauty of the Law.

Having a history in employment law, this just made me crack up.

Hat Tip: Loony Tunes Aunt. I was gonna post the chicken-shit one, but that hits too close to home.

Attorney Advertising: Part II

Check it:

It's causing quite a stir. But I think the shit is comedy. The firm that placed it was later required to take it down (permit issues) - but they said that they saw a significant increase in potential new clients as a result of the ad.

E.P.T. = Embarrassing Purchase Tale

During my lunch break, I went to my local drugstore to purchase a pregnancy test. [Boys - Caution - Girl Stuff Coming]. My period hasn't started, I've been incredibly nauseous, and my boobs are swollen. Not all bad. But I finally got worried enough to wonder whether I was maybe knocked up. The idea seemed outlandish at first - I've been told by plenty of doctors that I probably cannot have more children. A week passed and still no period. It should have come by now. And there were those two days in a row last month that I forgot to take my pill, and even though we used condoms for a few days like you're supposed to, there were other, non-condom escapades... Plus, Fiance' and I have a lot of sex, so the chances of me getting sperminated while ovulating are decent (save for the whole "I'm supposed to be infertile" thing). Anyhow, today was the day I decided that I needed to make sure one way or the other. So I go to the drugstore, grab the box, and walk to the counter to purchase the only item I retrieved.

The cashier engaged me:

Cashier: Looks down at my purchase as he scans it. Beep. "Quite a day huh?" Glance at my face searches for a reaction.
Lex: Oh My God, he is talking about my pregnancy test! "Yup." Big smile.
Cashier: "So, you're hoping for a positive result?" He's genuinely curious. Why?
Lex: Oh My God, how can he ask me that!!! "Yeah." Embarrassed girlie smile.
Cashier: "Do you want a boy or a girl?"
Lex: Can't believe I'm having this conversation. "Doesn't matter, so long as the baby is healthy."
Cashier: Smile. "That's what counts."
Lex: "Sure is."
Cashier: "Well, good luck. Here's your receipt."
Lex: What, am I going to return the test if I don't get the result I want? "Thanks." Walks out quickly.

The thing is, I wasn't buying the test "hoping" I am pregnant. I was scared. All I could think about was what I would do, how Fiance' would feel, how Daughter would react. Will I keep the baby? I've always said I am pro-choice but could never have an abortion myself. But I've talked about doing it if I became pregnant by accident. Especially at this point in my life, when I'm poor, trying to get healthy, wishing I were established in my career, and so on. On the other hand, I love being a mom, and they all said I can't have another baby, so if I am pregnant, shouldn't I keep the baby because I might not ever have this chance again? Would it be like "a sign." Nah, I don't believe in signs. Point is, I wasn't buying the test with the hope it would give me a "+" for pregnancy. But I pretended like I did to Cashier Guy, because I didn't want him to judge me. I didn't want this random stranger to think I was some whore who got knocked up, probably to get some guy to stay with me or to milk someone for child support. I didn't want him to think bad of me, so I lied and pretended I was ecstatic at the possibility.

I got to work and immediately went to the restroom and peed on the stick.

Negative.

Funny Depo Quotations

I'm reading a deposition of a treating doctor in one of our cases. Asking him some background questions, he stated that he had given a deposition in a previous case - not as a defendant - but as a treating doctor involved in the plaintiff's care after the "injury." When questioned about how he fitted in, the doctor replied:

"The patient attempted suicide. She was taken to another facility and resuscitated. During the resuscitation, the patient swallowed one of the medical devices, a nasal trumpet. Then, she had subsequent problems."

So the lady tried to kill herself, failed, and swallowed the orange nose piece we've all seen at the dentist (you know, the one that gives you the happy air--laughing gas). Then the lady has the balls to sue the people that kept her alive because her dumbass swallowed a big orange thing.

Question: What would be the measure of damages for a person who had self-determined to end their life? I mean, how can you argue future damages and lost earnings? How can you argue pain and suffering? How could your family argue loss of love and affection if they were going to have to deal with your death anyhow?

I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever take such a case.

Dee-dee-dee.