Exact Approximations

Friday, May 11, 2007

Attorney Advertising: Part II

Check it:

It's causing quite a stir. But I think the shit is comedy. The firm that placed it was later required to take it down (permit issues) - but they said that they saw a significant increase in potential new clients as a result of the ad.


Wednesday, May 02, 2007

E.P.T. = Embarrassing Purchase Tale

During my lunch break, I went to my local drugstore to purchase a pregnancy test. [Boys - Caution - Girl Stuff Coming]. My period hasn't started, I've been incredibly nauseous, and my boobs are swollen. Not all bad. But I finally got worried enough to wonder whether I was maybe knocked up. The idea seemed outlandish at first - I've been told by plenty of doctors that I probably cannot have more children. A week passed and still no period. It should have come by now. And there were those two days in a row last month that I forgot to take my pill, and even though we used condoms for a few days like you're supposed to, there were other, non-condom escapades... Plus, Fiance' and I have a lot of sex, so the chances of me getting sperminated while ovulating are decent (save for the whole "I'm supposed to be infertile" thing). Anyhow, today was the day I decided that I needed to make sure one way or the other. So I go to the drugstore, grab the box, and walk to the counter to purchase the only item I retrieved.

The cashier engaged me:

Cashier: Looks down at my purchase as he scans it. Beep. "Quite a day huh?" Glance at my face searches for a reaction.
Lex: Oh My God, he is talking about my pregnancy test! "Yup." Big smile.
Cashier: "So, you're hoping for a positive result?" He's genuinely curious. Why?
Lex: Oh My God, how can he ask me that!!! "Yeah." Embarrassed girlie smile.
Cashier: "Do you want a boy or a girl?"
Lex: Can't believe I'm having this conversation. "Doesn't matter, so long as the baby is healthy."
Cashier: Smile. "That's what counts."
Lex: "Sure is."
Cashier: "Well, good luck. Here's your receipt."
Lex: What, am I going to return the test if I don't get the result I want? "Thanks." Walks out quickly.
The thing is, I wasn't buying the test "hoping" I am pregnant. I was scared. All I could think about was what I would do, how Fiance' would feel, how Daughter would react. Will I keep the baby? I've always said I am pro-choice but could never have an abortion myself. But I've talked about doing it if I became pregnant by accident. Especially at this point in my life, when I'm poor, trying to get healthy, wishing I were established in my career, and so on. On the other hand, I love being a mom, and they all said I can't have another baby, so if I am pregnant, shouldn't I keep the baby because I might not ever have this chance again? Would it be like "a sign." Nah, I don't believe in signs. Point is, I wasn't buying the test with the hope it would give me a "+" for pregnancy. But I pretended like I did to Cashier Guy, because I didn't want him to judge me. I didn't want this random stranger to think I was some whore who got knocked up, probably to get some guy to stay with me or to milk someone for child support. I didn't want him to think bad of me, so I lied and pretended I was ecstatic at the possibility.

I got to work and immediately went to the restroom and peed on the stick.


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