Down with the Sickness

Well, it's five days post-surgery. I am still in pretty agonizing pain. I sneezed yesterday, and thought my insides would fall out. I've got bruises all over my belly and three incision sites. This shit totally sucks ass. I had a similiar surgery last year (minus the removed ovary) and recovery was nowhere nears this bad.

All that said, I think it might have worked. I don't feel the gnawing, aching pain in my right side anymore. Maybe that's because I'm so focused on the residual pain from the operation, but I'm optimistic.

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

Ok, I don't know much about Stephen Hawking other than he is really, really smart and talks with a voice synthesizer. Today, I learned a few smutty facts about Prof. Hawking that are just aching to be shared

• The man can have sex. He has three children from his first marriage. Also reported that his current wife, who he is divorcing, had a strange initiation habit for Prof. Hawking's new caretakers: they had to watch the two having sex, to prove that the Prof. has got it like that.
• The Prof. ain't faithful, he reportedly fell for someone new. No, he didn't literally fall - like out of his chair or something - he just leaned over and said "what's shaking baby" in his Darth Vadar voice. And it worked! Now, I know he's a genius and all, but what's the attraction here? It's another case of the Anna Nicole syndrome - I could never handle having to wipe the slober away and plant a kiss on some foul-looking man just to get his money.
• The current, soon to be ex, is the ex-wife of the man the developed Prof. Hawking's synthesizer.

Isn't that enough? The Prof has officially gained street cred in my book.

Blaming the Catholics.

Look, I hate religion and its leaders just as much as the next guy, but does Mark Foley seriously think that it helps his case to blame it on getting "molested" by a Catholic priest? I'm sorry, but getting a back rub by a man of the cloth 40 friggin' years ago just doesn't cut it buddy. Now, this is still a good thing, because all this talk of the priest just brings the Foley ordeal smack in the front of the headlines again. I like that. I mean, I think it's stupid to blame an entire party for the ills of one (well, two, Hastert dropped the ball, or enjoyed it himselfl, whatever). But in this case, it is working against the Republicans, so I'll take it. If it takes a couple teenagers getting sexy messages from a dirty old man to get the Dems higher numbers in Congress, well, you know, sucks for them. But... I'm a utilitarian. Go Foley!

Bad Law

It's always the worst when a senior attorney gives you a research project on a key issue and you learn that the law is not in your favor. This happened to me once during my 2L summer job and the partner proceeded to call me into his office and argue with me about why the law should be different. I agreed with him, but pointed out that our conversation did not change the law. He didn't like that. We never got along very well.

The same thing happened to me today. The Boss handed me a research project and told me it was an ASAP issue. It impacted the amount of recovery for one of our clients in a big, big way. I dug in. Printed case after case. Fell into a highlighting frenzy. I wrote up a memo outlining all the ways in which the law worked against us, and took it to The Boss. He was on the phone, so I put it in his InBox. He gave me a dirty look and held out his hand, as though to say "Give it to me now." I handed it to him and walked out quickly. Sitting at my desk, I remembered that 2L summer and thought 'oh shit, he's going to bitch at me because he doesn't like what I found. I hate when this happens.'

15 minutes later he walks into my office:

The Boss: Laughing. "So you're basically telling me we're screwed, huh?"
Lex: "Yup, that's the long and short of it. Sorry."
The Boss: "Republican assholes."
Lex: Laughing. "By the way, thanks for the flowers."

It was such an unexpected response but it was totally awesome. As for the flowers, I walked into work Tuesday after having been absent since the previous Wednesday and there's this huge vase full of flowers. There was a card signed by everyone in the firm congratulating me on passing the bar. The Boss wrote "It's the smartest people who worry the most." I like The Boss. He's a good boss. Today.

Relationship Advice From Lex

After swallowing your pride and apologizing for being an ass after a Sunday spat, it's best not to say:

Lex: "I missed the Steelers/Chiefs game because of this arguing. Lucky it was a landslide, or we'd still be fighting right now."

After the words fell from my mouth, I realized this was not the most prudent statement to make. Fortunately, it didn't get me in trouble again. Boyfriend is forgiving.

Happy Anniversary!!

Today is my mom and step-dad's one year annivversary. It took the man 20 years to make an honest woman out of her =) It also took him twenty years to take the leap of marrying into the insanity that is my family.

See, my mom had no choice but to be part of this crazy-ass clan. My step-dad volunteered to be part of this shit. So Step-Dad, I wish you good luck in the years to come with that crazy lady.

Love you mom.

Really, I am very happy for you guys. I hope you have a wonderful 1st and a happy Friday the 13th.

Holiday Time

Happy National Coming Out Day to Everyone!!!

It's so great that there is a day celebrating people being who they are. Go gays! So, in the spirit of this great day, I list all the things that make me a little gay:

1) I have great fashion sense.
2) I support gay marriage and oppose the Republican assholes who try to prevent it.
3) I am the BIGGEST fan of Project Runway.
4) I've slept with two women in my life. Kissed more than I can count.
5) I regularly read Arbusto.
6) I think ABBA is awesome.

I'm sure there is way more, but that's what I can think of off the top of my head.

YaY!!!

I won the bar.

Entertaining Caselaw Tidbit

So I'm reading through a mountain of cases in preparation for a motion I'm writing and came across 770 F.2d 811:

The case involves a University of Arizona student who bought temporary car insurance before taking a trip to Mexico. The insurers name, I shit you not, is "Gringo Pass Insurance Agency."

Hilarious.

Sweet Revenge

I got my car back from Repair Shop after my hydroplaning into a muddy ditch fiasco. As soon as I drove it off the lot, I realized that the airbag light was flashing and the air conditioner didn't work. Both of these things worked pre-accident. I proceeded to turn around and go back to Repair Shop.

I explained the defects to an innocent receptionist, bitched about how it had already taken over a month to get it as fixed as it was, and impatiently inquired what the repair shop proposed to do. I was told to wait in the lobby while the repair men attempted to charge the air conditioner, to see if that would fix both problems. Aside from wondering how in the fuck charging an air conditioner might reset the airbags, I sat in the lobby silently plotting my revenge.

Do I sue them? Their delays had already put me out over $200 in my car rental. Do I leave the car there and demand an expedited fix? They had already proven themselves incompetent. Did I beat up innocent receptionist? She was the only person in the joint under 200lbs and I might actually be able to take her. Did I steal 5 Dr. Peppers from the small fridge labeled "$1 per can"?

Finally, In-Charge Guy came back in and told me I had two options. One, I could leave my car there for another week and they would "see" if they could get someone from the Nissan dealership to take a look at the problems. This was a shitty option because the car was in Flagstaff and I live in Phoenix, about a one and a half hour drive. My second option was to take the car to a Nissan dealership in Phoenix, have them estimate the cost of the repairs, and then have podunk Flagstaff bad-fixer Repair Shop reimburse the cost. Being as I didn't have any way to get home, I opted for option two. But it pissed me off.

Walking out of the repair shop, I found myself still desiring an outlet for my frustration. I requested that In-Charge Guy put in writing that the repair ship would be covering the repairs. Yeah, that'll show'm, act all lawyerly and maybe they will take this more seriously. Before leaving, I asked to use the bathroom. This was when opportunity struck.

Lo and behold, Repair Shop basically left me a revenge manual. Idiot of all idiots, Repair Shop keeps their files, filing cabinets and other important looking paperwork in the bathroom they let their customers use. (That is how hokey this place was). I turned on the sink and went to work. I pulled a few papers out of a file and put them in another. I did this to about 25 files. I then went into the alphabetized files and pulled some "T-Z" and put them in "A-H", put "G-M's in "N-S" and so on. I also did this to about 25 files. I figure that my file interference ought to cause some headaches for Repair Shop.

Now, I may have left without getting my airconditioning and airbags fixed... but, man o man, my little bathroom escapade really made me feel better about getting screwed by Repair Shop's idiocy.

I'm immature. It's fun sometimes.