Amputees with Gravity Complexes.

I love Boyfriend for a million reasons. (See e.g., Infra, 2 paragraphs down). Mostly, this is because of his intensity, intelligence and romantic notions - all of which make me want to be a better person, just to come closer to deserving a love like this.

And then there is the comedy factor.

The Setting: Standing together at our bathroom's double-sinks, preparing to brush our teeth.

Boyfriend: "Ah, this is gross." Rushes to the closet and grabs a washcloth. "I shaved today." Gets it wet and overzealously begins wiping up the minimal amount of funk in his sink.

Lex: "You could share mine, if you like. Germ-o-phobe."

Boyfriend: "That's okay, thanks though love." Still wiping his sink. "And I'm no germaphobe." Smiling. "I'm the guy who eats food off of the floor. You're the germaphobe."

Lex: Thinking that I do pretty much refuse to eat anything that has touched any surface other than my plate. And he does eat things off of the floor at times, even when in clear violation of the Five Second Rule. I assemble my defense and wonder whether it will fly. "I'm not a germaphobe. I believe in gravity."

Boyfriend: Silently staring with an 'explain that' look.

Lex: Thinking his are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen and man-o-man am I impatient to finish recovering and be able to have sex again. I address his silent question. "Dirt gets in the air and gravity brings it down. Dirt on floor. Ucky. I'm not a germaphobe, I just believe in gravity."

Boyfriend: Smiling bigger. "Now there is some logic you don't expect to hear"

Lex: Vainly taking his words as a flattering compliment. Pride wants to make sure. "But it makes sense... right?"

Boyfriend: "Sure." Brushing his teeth now. "To a germaphobe." I see him smirking at me through the mirror. "Or a gravophiliac.

This struck me as ridiculously funny and I laughed and laughed. I thought that his term was awful close to necrophiliac, but went on to think this observation was nowhere near as entertaining as his making it up in the first place. I determined to keep quiet and let the moment finish on a high point.

Later, we were cuddling up for sleep. We reached that inevitable point where, in an effort to get as close as physically possible, someone's arm experiences discomfort:

Lex: "How is your arm?"

Boyfriend: "Ehh. How's yours?"

Lex: "Ehh." I maneuver my arm out from under my body and place it under his. "Amputees sure do have it easy."

Boyfriend: Laughing. "That's some off-the-wall shit."

Lex: "Whatever, gravophiliac."

Boyfriend: "You know, that sounds an awful lot like necrophiliac, don't you think?"

I love Boyfriend so bad.