Fear and Loathing in the Office

Today is *this close* to being the final straw at work.

I woke up this morning and ran straight to the bathroom vomiting. My doctor has me on birth control pills... something about the hormones working to dissolve my ovarian cysts. I'm told that birth control pills work by making your body think it's pregnant. Correspondingly, I now suffer from morning sickness. Bunk.

Alas, I wasn't about to let a little hucking stop me. There was a mediation today for a case that I spent the last week devouring. Not our strongest case, but I was excited. Mediations are a great place to learn what opposing counsel thinks are the strengths and weaknesses of their defense. If the trial date is near enough for settlement to be a real possibility, you can get a feeling for how much risk the other party believes they will be exposed to in the event of trial. So I drug myself out of the bathroom, wiped my face off, threw on a power suit, applied lipstick and hurried to work.

Shortly after I got there, the clients arrived. I introduced myself, went through the standard pleasantries. All went well. I went to my office to read through my notes on the expert deposition testimony. When it comes time to head to the mediation, the office manager tells me The Boss wants me to stay behind. I have no idea why and was given no reason. I was left to make up my own. They ranged from my own idiocy and ill appearance to the possibility that the clients weren't comfortable having a strange girl there. The latter would make sense given the subject-matter of the litigation. Either way, no one felt the need to tell me.

I went directly back to my office and applied to 3 other firms. Out of anger, frustration.... I dunno. Thing is, I really like the people here. I like The Boss, I like his Bossy Office Manager, I like the Bitchy Paralegal. But I don't see where I fit in. I talked with the legal secretary about an idea Ann left in the comments yesterday, suggesting I present a well-thought out project that I could lead and develop. Legal Secretary thinks it's risky. The Boss likes things done "just so," and straying from that is, I'm told, frowned upon. I still haven't decided to toss the idea though....

So the dilemma is that we do work I can be proud of and my co-workers are good peeps. But it may well be career suicide to stick around at a job where I am getting so little responsibility and training. No one wants to be the attorney three years out of school who is looking to go lateral - only to find that you have just as much experience as the most recent batch of newbie grads.

All apologies for the lack of humor lately. Between my health and the job-satisfaction issue, I've been on the bitter train. I am making my way back to the Irreverence Bus, most likely the little yellow short one. I hope to get on soon....