On Poverty, Big Law and my Make-Believe Work Ethic

It's Thursday and I am mentally back to work. I'm in pain, but that didn't stop me from perfecting a two-page memo that someone will spend two minutes reading only to cast aside and never consider again. Doesn't matter, I get paid the same no matter how closely things get read. I've been here physically all week, but it was a charade. I stepped out every hour for a good 15 minutes, leaving my desk light on and my glasses sitting on a pile of papers, thus creating the illusion of a dedicated ill employee. In reality, I have been surfing the net, reading blogs and wondering how I will make room for CECU should he lose his fancy house to Wilma.

Ok - Big Law bad guys across the hall. I am becoming more and more convinced that they want me to jump ship and come to their firm. Now, my vanity is beyond capable of convincing me of this absent any tangible proof - but I think I actually have tangible proof:

1. Every time I run into one of their attorneys, they make a point to talk with me. Especially the old ones.
2. Most of them know my name yet I have only introduced myself to two people from the fleet.
3. Every one of these conversations contains a question along the lines of "How do you like it over there?" "They treating you well?" "You think you'll stick with 'em?"
4. Even when they are within the safe-boundaries of their office, they wave at me through the windows, all smiles and cheery-like. They talk to me while I am in the bathroom. In the stall, I get asked about the weather, which I can't speak to, being in a bathroom stall and all.
5. I have been informed by younger members in the firm that they are on a hiring binge. They recently upgraded to a huge office and are trying to fill it up with fledglings. Word is they are having a tough time getting quality naive-youth to bitch.

That's it. Part of me really, really wants to ask "How much would you pay me?" The other part doesn't even want to know, because then it will be all I can think about.... It's easy to justify doing work you are against when you see all the ways it can pull you out of a debt-hole.

This is even more pronounced because I learned yesterday that I have to pay $600 (again) to take the bar in February. I paid this once already back in the Spring, when I applied for the July bar. I was incredibly ill at the time of the exam and had to withdrawal. I was under the impression I would get a refund or a credit or anything. But, oh no, I have to pony up the cash again. This is a huge problem, because I can't afford this, nor will I anytime soon. I thought about asking The Boss but don't feel comfortable with that because I have been so sick and have missed a good 4 days of work. I considered selling Daughter, but now that my ovaries are shot and she may be my only offspring, I'm guessing I should keep her around. I tried to sell roommates too, but the only offer I got for them was from a medical research lab that is *this close* to a cancer vaccine. I figured the liability issues involved might be too risky.

If anyone has an idea, I'm open.... Until then, I need another pain pill.