Exact Approximations

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Visting with Dr. Get U. Married, M.D.

Today is a half day. I also had yesterday off, officially because it was a holiday. The real reason is because we were supposed to start trial this week, but that changed. Whatever.

Either way - a great big fingers-wiggling-in-my-ears gesture and the "nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah" noise shout-out to Arbusto, since he jealously held my vacation against me. He probably had class and cases and all kinds of lame stuff like that to take care of. I have little pity for a 2L who continues to insist upon class attendance ;)

Anyhow, today was a half day because I went with Boyfriend to the doctor. The great thing about working in a Med Mal office is the common stance on dealing with medical professionals. Like the "liberal-en-masse" mentality I knew in Berkeley, I now know the communal office distrust of the medical profession. Not that all doctors are awful, not even most of them. It's just too important a life-topic to take risks with. And so we all attend medical appointments with our loved ones and ask questions that have a 3% likliehood of being applicable.

Things went well at the doctor. Boyfriend has a tummy disorder, secondary only to his "Likes Crazy Girls" disorder. The doctor bombed him with anti-body-otics about a month ago, and we went in today to make sure it did the job. Things are looking good so far. So - good. And that makes for a happy, happy Lex. Apparently, the doctor's breath was FunkTastic, which made for a not so happy Lex's Boyfriend.

Boyfriend and I have known eachother for almost 13 years. I met him when I was 14 and have been in love with him on some level, whether specifically or abstractly, ever since. We were troubled kids and turned to eachother in adolescent madness. I became pregnant when I was 16. My family kicked him out and we went our separate ways. I ended the relationship. Initially, he did not contact me. Once he did, I was angry and having none of it. Two years ago, he tried again. We got past the past and he has been in regular contact with Daughter ever since. The two of us began dating in June of this year. That's a summary of what could fill pages and pages and pages. The point is that the relationship is way complicated.

The long-winded point was the comment made by Boyfriend's Doctor. At the end of the appointment, she turns to us and asks:

Doctor: "Have you two set a wedding date yet?"

Me: (Internal Dialogue) I'd marry him tomorrow, but I'm already married. My divorce isn't final. It's all legalities anyhow, although then Boyfriend would have better insurance. And the consequent better doctor.

Me: (Actual Answer) "Uh, no. Sometime in the later. A wise aunt once told me that the way to go is to 1) have the kid and then 2) buy the house. If all that works out and you're not gay, then, 3) consider marriage."

Doctor: "Well. Don't you think it's about time?"

Me: Baffled into tardation. "Uh. No."


I don't know what to make of it. I thought I heard the eerie sound of a Bible-Beating Drum, and wondered if I was being pressured to change our bastard-producing relationship into a blessed righteous union. Rest assured lady, we will be keeping our little relationship dirty, pray as you might. I thought it was out of line. Boyfriend thought it was a harmless passing comment.

What do you think? Was that rude of her? Am I way too sensitive?

6 Comments:

  • 1. Whether it was rude is hard to determine from a textual replay. A lot of that is going to depend on intonation and whatnot. Just reading it, I had no such reaction until you said something. I think a combination of you letting us know you'd know him for 13 years and been together for large portions lends credence to "don't you think it's time" minus rudeness. The doctor may have seen other clues that you two are very attached to each other, as well. Summation: it does not seem rude to me.

    2. Stick your fingers further in your ears and right back at you! *thbbbbb*

    3. Is the "wise aunt" CECAunt? I love that quote and am now going to share it with the world.

    4. Do you say "aunt" like you say "ant" or like you're French - "auuuuunt?"

    By Blogger Arbusto, at 6:52 PM  

  • Maybe you're right Arbusto. I had further conversation with Boyfriend on this issue last night and he also pointed out that Doctor probably has seen other clues of the relationship's intensity. The biggest clue is that, when Boyfriend was admitted to the hospital in August, Doctor came to his bedside to discuss medical tests. When she walked in, I was under the blankets and cuddled up with him. Plus, I'm pretty big on hugging and otherwise reassuring him when we are at doctor's appointment. And I hound his doctors like as if I were an overprotective mother....

    I guess I'm over-reacting. But, boy-o-boy, it sure did bug me.

    It's not CECAunt that made that comment, it was my mother's older sister, and the woman I expect to take over as family matriarch when Grandma Republican retires from the position. She's seen more in this life than most families I know and she is the most realistic, brutally honest person I have ever known. She's one of my top 5 favorite people. CECAunt is cool too though -- although I think she might be an undercover-Republican...

    I say aunt American style -- like the bugs... I tried the whole nasally, cultured way for awhile. But I got a lot of guff for that and decided it wasn't worth the ego-slap...

    But I still say "larin'" instead of "layering."

    Did you really have 3 toenail surgeries?

    By Blogger Lex Fori, at 10:05 AM  

  • Lex, Lex, Lex...You know you are in Joseph-Land, so, what do you expect! Face it, you are a minority in that land. Those Joseph-Land wannabe bible thumpers just think that is "normal" to ask about marriage to someone who, on appearances, (you) "fit" the qualifications. Now, had you opened your mouth the way I am used to hearing you, and not in the lame assed manner that you spoke to the doctor in, I am sure she would have seen you for the born-again pagan that you are!

    Now you want us to feel sorry for you because you felt that someone was being "rude" to you. Hahaha Let me ask:

    1. Were you two holding hands?
    2. Were you two holding hands and cuddling?
    3. Were you two holding hands, cuddling, and under the covers or something like that?
    4. Should you have been in a hotel room instead of a doctor's office?

    I know it was probably a private waiting room, but with your history, (cuddling in a hospital bed, and giving up your pants to a boy scout), I have to wonder what your definition of "rude" is?

    I thought you should have laughed at her and and done something really rude right in front of her...I am sure your imagination can think of what you could have done, at this late date!

    I swear, that AZ heat is really messing with your head! Asking what rude is, I detect a hint of morality here! OH NO!

    By Blogger Crazy East Coast Uncle, at 2:34 PM  

  • CECU

    I love you so much. You're my favoritest Uncle ever. No one else just says "Hey, Lex, shut the fuck up - you're acting dumb." I like that. Much respect.

    To clarify, I never wanted any pity or anything. It was more that I recognized that Doctor's comment got to me, and wasn't sure why. Ergo, I called a conclave. I am well aware that my personality is not the kind that lends itself to pity.

    In answer:
    1) Yes, we were holding hands.
    2) Yup, there was also some cuddling
    3) Um-hum. I was under the covers with him.
    4) Nope. We should not have been in a hotel room. Inadequate IV supplies, most importantly of morphine. Also, Boyfriend... not so big on hospital sex. I tried.

    And I never told her about giving my pants up to a boy scout ;) I guess my intuition on this whole thing was that I had detected a hint of morality from her and I felt that was rude. Living in Joseph-Land, I find myself wanting to rage on anyone who demonstrates even the smallest amount of self-imposed "i've got religion" righteousness. I wouldn't have found the comment rude, were it not for my assumption that I was facing another Bible-Thumper.

    I have decided that I am having a hard time adjusting to no longer living in my Godless Glory Land that was the Bay Area.

    Surely CECU, you understand.

    And if we're wrong, well, hell sounds way funner anyhow

    ;)

    By Blogger Lex Fori, at 3:16 PM  

  • I hope Kristine reads your comment about hell. A few years ago we were in a Philsophy of religion class together. I posited that hell has to be the more fun place. If heaven is where all the moral, lame people are, then hell is going to the have the fun people. The devil isn't an evil guy, just a misunderstood jokester. It's all propaganda.

    By Blogger Arbusto, at 6:36 PM  

  • I think CECU hit on an important point - never forget the cultural position that other people might be coming from. It's easy to think that America should all be the same, but, as you're learning, Joseph land is way different than Berkeley.

    Ten years ago, I ditched law school and came over to Ireland to see if I could make things work out with this very cool guy. (Yep, I mean Peter.) After a couple days of looking for a bedsit (basically a low class studio apartment), I had to go meet with a prospective landlord while Peter went to work. The landlord was about 200 years old and from outside Dublin. The third question he asked me (after are you American and why are you here) was "So, are you pregnant then?"

    I was horrified until Peter explained to me later that night that the poor landlord guy really didn't know any better. That's what made sense to him - I'd left behind my life and moved to another country, I must be pregnant.

    By Blogger -Ann, at 12:01 PM  

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