Playing Favorites
I've been doing a general poll lately, asking people with multiple children whether they have a favorite. None of this "I love all my children in their own way" bullshit. I mean a favorite. An "Oh my God, two of my children are dangling at the edge of the earth and I can only save one so I'll go with my favorite" kind of favorite. I've also been asking people whether they have a favorite sibling. So far, no one has admitted to having a favorite child. A small number fess up to having a favorite sibling.
Now, I understand that on an abstract level parents should love all their children the same. But is it really the case? There are bad apples, better combinations of genes and so on. I mean, a parent could give intelligence, health and beauty to one child and dim-witted ugliness to another child whose body is a lemon. It's a gamble. But I know that if I could only have one child, well, I would pick the smart one with good immunity.
The reason this has all been on my mind lately is that I've been thinking about children and whether I should have anymore. I love babies. Being a mom makes me happy. But I have to admit, and I realize it may make me shallow, but I wonder if I would love another child, even my own, as much as I love my daughter. She's pretty much the perfect kid (allow me to disclaim that tweenhood has not set in). She is well-behaved, thoughtful, caring, funny, respectful and everything else I could ever want. She's the one who made me want a better life. Not to say that this is fair, or that it doesn't reek of codependence, but my daughter is the reason I got it together and found happiness. Could I feel that connection and symbolism in my relationship with another child? Kid 2 would be the kid who had the nice crib and all the amenities and would allow me to parent with less guilt... but there is something about the love I feel for my daughter that I can't imagine replicating.
I know that I have a hierarchy of favorites for my siblings, which I am also told is "So Wrong." But it's true. Is that the first sign of the type of person that would have a favorite kid?
What does anyone else think about all this? Do you have favorites? Did your parents? Ever heard a parent admit such a thing?
Now, I understand that on an abstract level parents should love all their children the same. But is it really the case? There are bad apples, better combinations of genes and so on. I mean, a parent could give intelligence, health and beauty to one child and dim-witted ugliness to another child whose body is a lemon. It's a gamble. But I know that if I could only have one child, well, I would pick the smart one with good immunity.
The reason this has all been on my mind lately is that I've been thinking about children and whether I should have anymore. I love babies. Being a mom makes me happy. But I have to admit, and I realize it may make me shallow, but I wonder if I would love another child, even my own, as much as I love my daughter. She's pretty much the perfect kid (allow me to disclaim that tweenhood has not set in). She is well-behaved, thoughtful, caring, funny, respectful and everything else I could ever want. She's the one who made me want a better life. Not to say that this is fair, or that it doesn't reek of codependence, but my daughter is the reason I got it together and found happiness. Could I feel that connection and symbolism in my relationship with another child? Kid 2 would be the kid who had the nice crib and all the amenities and would allow me to parent with less guilt... but there is something about the love I feel for my daughter that I can't imagine replicating.
I know that I have a hierarchy of favorites for my siblings, which I am also told is "So Wrong." But it's true. Is that the first sign of the type of person that would have a favorite kid?
What does anyone else think about all this? Do you have favorites? Did your parents? Ever heard a parent admit such a thing?
posted by Lex Fori at
7:06 PM
2 Comments:
Is it not so much loving one sibling or child more than the other but being attached or having different expectations of each sibling or child?
By
Arbusto, at 12:49 PM
I dunno - I think that is definitely true. For instance, my brother was praised when he passed a class, whereas I got bitched at if I didn't get an A. But, again, I have to say, I would pick the straight A student. Do you think maybe it's some sort of DogRuntSyndrome, where parents just ogle over those who need the most help? And even if there are different expectations for each child, it seems that a parent could still like someone better
I dunno - maybe this is all just my reaction to being a middle child.
By
Lex Fori, at 7:05 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home