Top Ten Words to Drop When You Get Socratic Method'd

I was talking to a non-law school/normal friend recently, and she was asking what the Socratic Method was like. I told her it sucked, but wasn't so bad, and at any rate doesn't happen much after first year. No one really expects you to read everything after first year. Anyhow, it got me to thinking about the types of things I most often hear in class, and the positive responses they get. And so, here are my Top Ten Words to Drop when you get called on in law school. 90% guaranteed to make you seem intelligent and earn you a two week grace period. 10% risk you will be called out on being a total idiot, and possibly have your name circled in red ink on the seating chart.

90% ain't bad. We are lawyers in training here.

10. "No" - Obviously, this is only for yes/no questions. 90% of the time the answer is no, or else the question wouldn't have been asked. I realize that all anyone has to do is reverse the basic structure of the question to make yes mean no and no mean yes in terms of the issue the class is getting at, but law school professors don't seem to get that. They're stuck in their ways. Answer no and give a bullshit policy reason against whatever proposition you were just presented with.

9. "Disparity" - There's always a disparity. Disparity in outcomes, access, intelligence, you name it. Professors like it when you note differences in things. The lesser form of this word is "inequality," but we're in law school, so get your word whore on.

8. "Objection" - Warning, this only works in Evidence. Start your answer with an objection. Everyone will laugh. It will be a lame, silly law school pun that isn't really funny, but everyone will laugh anyhow. Object to whatever your Professor said as hearsay. Almost everything is hearsay, so the odds are on your side.

7. "Conflate" - People are always conflating issues, especially judges, lawyers, and the philosphers in the notes & squibs. Find a conflation and point it out. Professors like that. Apparently it means you take meaningless, miniscule inconsistencies of an issue and abstract them into deal breakers. Well, that's just cynical, but you get the point.

6. "Footnote #x" - Professors love that shit. If you read the footnotes, you're nutty enough to never get called on again. For each case, find a footnote of arguable relevance. No one else read it, so whatever you say it means is going to fly.

5. "Dichotomy" - Dispute the dichotomy though, don't support it. It's all about the false dichotomy.

4. "Pass" - That's right, you can actually pass. Usually. There are exceptions to this, in which case you may resort to words 10-5 and 3-1 of this list. Note: if you pass, you will likely get called on next time, but, whatever, now you've got two days to prepare.

3. "Conflate" - Use it again. Conflate the conflation. Deep.

2. "Arguendo" (or anything else latin). Lawyers like to use latin words for no good reason. It reinforces our intellectual elitism. If you use latin, particularly during first year, this shows that you either 1) studied latin as an undergrad (loser) or 2) made sweet love to Black's Law Dictionary the prior night (hot). Either way, you're ahead of the game and people will wonder what you just said. Most won't know, so even if it was idiotic, you still look good. If that doesn't work, bust into pig latin. Please do this during the 11:15 Tuesday session of Intellectual Property (I just can't stomach the 8:45, ever), so that I can get a good laugh.


And the Number One word to throw down when you get Socratic Method'd...

1. "Superfluous" - Emphasis on the "er." I'm not certain I was familiar with this word prior to law school. Now, I've been engaged in no less than 18 conversations regarding how to properly pronounce it. There's the regular way and there's the super-star way. It's all about the emphasis on "er."