Tricked By The Grand Republican Matriarch

Recently, I got a phone call from my grandmother (on my mother's side).

Whenever I think of my family, the framework revolves around the females. We all come down from my Grandmother's Mother, who I always think of as this mystic, magical woman with Tarot cards and secrets. I don't remember ever meeting her, but my mother loved her dearly. There's her, then my grandmother, then my mother, then me. Following my footsteps will be my daughter. The men in my family, love them as I do, seem somehow secondary to the power of the women. Of the four daughters of my grandmother, three have had husbands die young. The fourth is working on it =) Grandma has two under her belt. We're a clan of strong women and the men are, well, accessories. Males break against the women, as if their only life purpose were to serve as an experience to make the women stronger and smarter. It seems a little cruel and overly broad, but it's true. Sorry boys.

Anyhow, grandma is a Republican. Politically, we disagree on just about everything. She thinks stem cell research is bad and I think breaking some of the ten commandments is a little hot. The thing about arguing politics with grandma is that she toally pulls rank in terms of pure knowledge. She has details and examples from living for so long - in my youth, I am frequently forced to argue abstractions. This makes things difficult. Last time I saw her at a family get together, my aunt had to separate us. Which I obliged, since I fear my aunt's ability to physically whoop my ass.

Like I said, grandma called the other day. Now, mind you, grandma almost never calls me - so I was a little high on that fact alone. Here is an Dramatic ReInWritement:

Grandma: "Lex, have you heard of Men in Black?"
Me: "Yeah, sure, like the movie?" In my mind, I began singing the Will Smith song (**here come the men in black, doo doo doo doo***)
Grandma: Frustrated that a smart, educated young woman was capable only of referencing movies. "No, the book. About the Supreme Court."
Me: Oh right, the Supreme Court. Check. "Uh, nope, haven't heard of it."
Grandma: "It's all about the Supreme Court, it's really good and it's fact." This was the point at which my Conservative Trickster Radar should have gone haywire. Clearly, my failure to notice was induced only by my head fuzzying bronchitis.
Grandma (still): "I have two copies, so if I send one to you, will you read it? It's really good. Fascinating. I would really like for you to read it"
Me: "Uh... well, not anytime soon. I'm in severe danger of not graduating, so I'm not reading anything non-school related till after mid-May."
Grandma: "After that? Will you read it after that?"
Me: "Yes. I'll read the first 50-60 pages. But, if it's awful and I hate it, I can't promise to read anymore after that." I figured that was enough to get her to definitely call me again sometime. This was working out really well. I was getting a free book and some of my grandmother's sweet, sweet attention. She has a million grandkids so this is a big deal.
Grandma: "So you promise?"
Me: "Yes, grandma, I promise."
Grandma: "Good."

Then came the money line, spoken only after grandma had repeatedly guaranteed my promise:

Grandma: "Oh yeah. By the way, it has an introduction by Rush Limbaugh."

%*&!%*&!

Huh?

Foiled by the Grand Red Matriarch. I'm now committed to spending a good hour of my life subjecting myself to something sanctioned by a pillhead conservative. And I'll totally do it too, because I told her I would. You don't just back down from something you promised the family matriarch. I respect that about her, not many people could get me to do such things.

Nice form grandma, nice form.