Republican Paralegal: fortune-telling the faith of others
The firm's Holiday Dinner was Saturday. The Boss toasted my success on the bar exam, even making a speech about how it was even more impressive in light of the fact that I failed the first time. I think that's bullshit, but The Boss made it sound all After School Special. It was nice. The dinner was held at a lovely restaurant that had really good food and really good wine. I drank lots of the really good wine and ended up chucking my really good food when I got home. This severely interfered with my "really good wine" sex.
Anyhow, dinner was entertaining. The Boss made lots of Anti-Repugs jokes that were met with silence from Republican Paralegal and her husband. This morning, Republican Paralegal told me she was most offended by jabs made by The Boss concerning Barbara Bush and her resemblance to scary, mythical, male-like creatures. Republican Paralegal also noted that Boyfriend is "very handsome", so I didn't really care what she thought about everything else that happened at dinner.
But - last week - Republican Paralegal pushed what may be my "second to last button"-button.
I went to her on Friday morning and again expressed my opinion that she should no longer hold back her political beliefs. I explained that The Boss wouldn't punish her; if anything he would probably hold back the shit-talking soas to make her feel more comfortable. Republican Paralegal firmly disagreed. She is convinced that if The Boss finds out about her political affiliation, he will fire her. I told her that was nonsense, and explained that I-the sole office Atheist- never get shit for thinking that God is for the schizophrenic and simple-minded.
She responded, I shit you not, Republican Paralegal responded by telling me that my lack of faith is not nearly as big a deal as her differing political beliefs because she feels that The Boss and Office Manager don't really believe in God!!!
Apparently, if they did, their thinking would be more in line with Republican Paralegal's. Further, The Boss and Office Manager don't have strong relationships with God, nor do they turn to Jesus Christ as their true savior and blah blah blah (she seriously gave me the Savior Speech). Republican Paralegal thinks Office Manager goes to church because she was brought up in the Midwest and that's "just what they do, how she grew up, all she knows." Even better, Republican Paralegal thinks The Boss goes to church for, I shit you not, the "social benefits." Like maybe he knows better than to believe in God, but might run for office someday so he knows he needs the religion card in his pocket... That's what I came up with when I tried to reconcile his level intelligence with that of a believer. But that's an Atheist's justification. For Republican Paralegal, the Bible loving God-hopper, to say that The Boss and Office Manager don't really believe in God... Honestly, I'm an Atheist and I found it somewhat insulting.
I immediately went to Front Secretary and told her everything. Front Secretary is my favorite. We bitched and complained together about Republican Paralegal and Front Secretary confessed that she can't stand the woman. We both kinda want to take her out and rough her up street style.
Republican Paralegal will be found out soon. The question is, how do I go about it without getting any credit?
Anyhow, dinner was entertaining. The Boss made lots of Anti-Repugs jokes that were met with silence from Republican Paralegal and her husband. This morning, Republican Paralegal told me she was most offended by jabs made by The Boss concerning Barbara Bush and her resemblance to scary, mythical, male-like creatures. Republican Paralegal also noted that Boyfriend is "very handsome", so I didn't really care what she thought about everything else that happened at dinner.
But - last week - Republican Paralegal pushed what may be my "second to last button"-button.
I went to her on Friday morning and again expressed my opinion that she should no longer hold back her political beliefs. I explained that The Boss wouldn't punish her; if anything he would probably hold back the shit-talking soas to make her feel more comfortable. Republican Paralegal firmly disagreed. She is convinced that if The Boss finds out about her political affiliation, he will fire her. I told her that was nonsense, and explained that I-the sole office Atheist- never get shit for thinking that God is for the schizophrenic and simple-minded.
She responded, I shit you not, Republican Paralegal responded by telling me that my lack of faith is not nearly as big a deal as her differing political beliefs because she feels that The Boss and Office Manager don't really believe in God!!!
Apparently, if they did, their thinking would be more in line with Republican Paralegal's. Further, The Boss and Office Manager don't have strong relationships with God, nor do they turn to Jesus Christ as their true savior and blah blah blah (she seriously gave me the Savior Speech). Republican Paralegal thinks Office Manager goes to church because she was brought up in the Midwest and that's "just what they do, how she grew up, all she knows." Even better, Republican Paralegal thinks The Boss goes to church for, I shit you not, the "social benefits." Like maybe he knows better than to believe in God, but might run for office someday so he knows he needs the religion card in his pocket... That's what I came up with when I tried to reconcile his level intelligence with that of a believer. But that's an Atheist's justification. For Republican Paralegal, the Bible loving God-hopper, to say that The Boss and Office Manager don't really believe in God... Honestly, I'm an Atheist and I found it somewhat insulting.
I immediately went to Front Secretary and told her everything. Front Secretary is my favorite. We bitched and complained together about Republican Paralegal and Front Secretary confessed that she can't stand the woman. We both kinda want to take her out and rough her up street style.
Republican Paralegal will be found out soon. The question is, how do I go about it without getting any credit?
posted by Lex Fori at
5:13 PM
9 Comments:
The longer that Paralegal Republican is there, and not outed, will be held against you when she is finally outed! Not that I think Boss would fire her. If she is good at her work, he really won't care. He just wants to get the job done right! However, he will take every chance to tease her about her political beliefs, as well he should!
When Boss finds out that you have been "harboring" a republican under his nose, you will have to pay the consequences!
Do it now.
By
Crazy East Coast Uncle, at 5:54 PM
Ask her in front of The Boss, if she has scene Tom Delay's new blog?!! hehehehehehe
By
Crazy East Coast Uncle, at 5:53 AM
I almost feel sorry for this woman. I say "almost" because your second to last button would have been my very last button about four sentences in.
Unfortunately I know of no clandestine methods of outing her.
By
SouthernCanadian, at 8:38 AM
Is being a Republican a crime?
If you prick us, do we not bleed?
If you persecute us, do not men get gay married?
By
wt, at 4:32 PM
wt, it is not so much that she is a republican, but, the fact, that she seems to have a spine like a soggy piece of toast!
Being a republican is not a crime, but, it just seems that republicans are responsible for many crimes against other Americans. And if we prick you, you will bleed like any other American. And if we prosecute you, the truth about your crimes will come out, and you will go to jail, just like any other criminal in America. And if you go to jail, you won't have to worry about men getting "gay married" any more, because you will be someone's bitch! Isn't America great!
Say Hi to Tom Delay, Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramhoff...etc...
By
Crazy East Coast Uncle, at 8:44 PM
People like that give Christians a bad name. The irony of course, is that most "Christian" Republicans spend too much time on issues like gay marriage, abortion, etc., and not enough on what is actually in the Bible over and over again--helping the less fortunate! Lets not forget that whole judge not lest ye be judged thing either. She sounds terrible. I would have already outed her.
By
La Mitotera, at 9:26 PM
Some republicans suck and some don't. And it goes both ways. Unpleasant people come in all political stripes. This woman seems to be both unpleasant and a Republican.
But let's remember that some Republicans, like me for instance, have awesome personalities and are a treat to be near.
By
wt, at 9:32 PM
wt-
No, being a Republican isn't a crime. And I assume that if I prick you, you will bleed blood. Blood laced with money. Yummy Republican Blood Money. Let's engage in blood exchange soon.
The difference between you and RP is that you would probably stand up and say "hey, this is what I think" and be willing to provide factual, reasoned support for your position.
I do agree that it's a plain fact that there are annoying people from every political party. Perhaps the most important lesson I learned going to Berkeley was that there is nothing more annoying than textbook, spoon-fed liberals who gets their news from the Daily Show and scoff at people who don't own a Che' Guevara t-shirt. I thought I was the most out of control, grass-stained toe liberal/ semi-socialist... until I went to Berkeley and learned how fucking annoying those people are.
What's really bugging me is the way RP refuses to stand up for her beliefs and defend them. It makes me wonder how hard she has thought things through. In fairness, I wouldn't want to get into a political argument with The Boss, because The Boss is really fucking smart and one would be most certain to lose. In any event, RP has convinced herself that horrible consequences will follow if her beliefs are divulged and that's just way off the mark.
But if I were her, and wanted to hide my political beliefs, I wouldn't go running around the office trying to get people in my corner. If RP is talking shit about everyone else to me, what is she saying about me to everyone else? And the whole part about how Office Manager and The Boss don't really believe in God... well, that was just a bit out of line.
It's just bad vibes. Bad vibes.
CECU - you really think it will work against me if/when RP is outted and it is known that I harbored her secret? I mean, that's my job, maintain other people's confidences, keep secrets, not blog about them, etc. I feel like this is more of a personal issue, so I'm not feeling too motivated to create a situation that will make RP uncomfortable. If this were something that could possibly have a negative impact on The Boss' business or the clients, I would tell in heartbeat.
By
Lex Fori, at 3:59 PM
It's interesting to me that talking about religion and politics isn't taboo. Now the politics I understand may come into play, but being upset with someone for not having a strong opinion on either in the workplace seems silly to me. There are plenty of people who have their own moral/political/religious opinions-but may not feel confident enough to up hold them to a criticizing audience. I think your right on the money when you say she doesn't have the nerve to come out-but is that really such an awful thing? She may just be timid, especially when placed in a situation where she will obviously have to explain/defend herself. She could feel comfortable sharing with you, but not so comfortable in being forthcoming to the boss, especially if he is as smart as you say.
By
Anonymous, at 5:17 PM
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