Republican Paralegal: Lex's last nerve

I am *this close* to bitch-slapping Republican Paralegal. Other than the general annoyances I have suffered because of her over the past week (see post below), she has taken it to a personal level.

For starters, we were talking about my much improved health yesterday. I mentioned that it was nice to be detoxed, but difficult because now I have to face some seriously stressful things that I was able to push aside in a narcotic induced haze while I was sick.

She asked me if I had been taking the narcotics so I wouldn't have to deal with the stressors. I answered that I was taking the narcotics for pain, but admitted that the pills left me feeling detached in general, and so stressful things didn't hit me as hard. "So, do you think you have an addictive personality?" she asked. I responded honestly that I do; that's something I have known for many years.

She implied that I was never really sick. Rather, that I was addicted to pain killers and avoiding life. I tried not to let this bother me, because I think she was trying to be helpful... At least that's what I'm telling myself. I explained that I was in pain for a long time before I started taking painkillers regularly, and so, to me, it was obvious that the medical condition preceded the pill-taking. But I admitted that I was hooked. Of course. You take pills for that long and you get hooked. It's easy math. Republican Paralegal took that and ran with it - suddenly all she could talk about was my addictive personality and the addictions of my childhood. I was annoyed. But tried not to take it personally. Tried to view it as innocent commentary.

Today, we were decorating the office Christmas Tree. Republican Paralegal started singing some Christmas song and asked the rest of us if we sang Christmas carols. She turned to me laughing and said "what do Atheists sing?" I replied that we chant for demon spirits to unleash their fury upon those who believe in resurrection. Also that we have created an intricate, multi-step routine that we perform while we dance circles around burning crosses and break stain-glass images of the Virgin Mary.

I feel like Republican Paralegal has judged me. Funny, because shouldn't she believe that is God's job? On numerous occasions, she has made derogatory remarks about my Atheism, whether it be like the comment above or generally asking me if I "seriously" believe there is no God. I feel like Republican Paralegal looks down on me for not being married to the man I live with, for having had a child so young, and for expressing skepticism of her opinions (work related, I don't argue with her about religion). The most annoying part is, I think she thinks she's helping me-- trying to *save* me or something. She sees me as this young girl who had a difficult life and now I just need someone like her to push me in the right direction and help me see the light.

To further bolster her negative opinion of me, I was quick to school her in porn lingo. We were moving around the branches of the fake tree to make it look fuller when Republican Paralegal referred to our efforts as "fluffing" and that we were "fluffers." Hysterical laughter. Republican Paralegal expressed confusion and I explained a fluffer's job at porn shoots. She asked me how I knew and I said I learned it at the last Pornography Convention I attended.

I'm finding it harder and harder to blow these things off. Do I say something? I think the majority of my ill will revolves around her lack of respect for my belief that her religion is idiotic. I don't try to convince her that her religion makes no sense. It also bothers me that she talks shit about everyone else in the office to me, making me wonder what she is saying about me to everyone else. But there are things about her that I like. She always asks about me and my family and then randomly brings things up weeks later - showing me that she listens to my stories and lodges them somewhere in her memory - caring enough to follow up. She always offers practical nursing advice about health issues. She compliments my maturity. She seems genuinely interested in me as a person.

I dunno.

If I bitch-slap her and then hug her really tight, would that break even?