Lex's Diatribe on Atheism

I am an Atheist. I do not believe in a conscious anything that somehow exerts power over the entire universe. I know many people believe there is a collective energy that we disperse into upon death - but I see that as the equivalent of dying, being buried in the earth, fertilizing the ground and growing into grass.

For me, when I say I am an Atheist, it means I do not believe one retains a sense of self - consciousness, memories and thought, after the body physically dies. I was asked why I believe there is no memory of self upon death. My answer is that, having studied psychology, I know that consciousness and sense of self are completely tied to brain activity and neural networks. This is most evident when you look at the effects of brain injury. Brain injury can fundamentally change how one thinks. Brain injuries have been documented to lead to amnesia, a loss of the ability to form new memories (short and long-term), and there are even cases where injuries to portions of the brain completely change a person's personality or blunt their emotional affect. Biological research is what leads me to believe that when a person experiences brain death, the "self" also dies. It makes no logical sense to me that something completely dependent on neural networks (the self or consciousness) could survive complete brain inactivity (brain death).

Why does this matter? Well, vanity mostly. I think the human desire to believe in something "greater" or "bigger" than this life is linked to a human vanity. A wish to be part of everything forever. An egotistical need to somehow feel that one is part of everything, rather than a small piece to something larger than any one thing. Without a continuity of consciousness after death, the "afterlife" loses meaning to me. If one were to "disperse" into a greater energy upon death, but not know it - to me that is equal to, as I call it, "having your T.V. turned off." If you don't take the experience of life with you when you die, then it's not really an afterlife in my book. It's fertilizer.

My post about being in the hospital and asking God to show himself to me is a direct manifestation of my ego, vanity and recognition of just how awesome it is to be a human. I would love for it to never end. It's a miraculous thing, this consciousness that humans have developed, and it would be nice to have it forever. But, really, that probably wouldn't be a good thing for an evolving universe. If things didn't die, evolve and thereby transform - we would be 21st century humans having to deal with retarded cavemen. And I've seen the Geico commercial, dealing with cavemen is no fun.

In response to CECU's insinuation, I don't think it's logically sound to say that atheism is a placeholder until a person begins to ask themselves the questions of what life is, what it means and why we exist. I am disappointed that CECU even suggested such a thing, as I believe the comment displays the type of simplicity and historically stereotypical notions of spirituality that CECU so often warns against. Atheists can and do ask themselves these questions and toss about answers, answers that can simultaneously conform with their Atheism.

For an Atheist, this life is all you have. There is no belated forgiveness. Wrongs that must be righted must be righted during this life. An intense sense of personal responsibility is central to the Atheist's morality. Any journey to reach "good" must be obtained in this life. There is no back-up option, no requesting forgiveness at the last moment. There is no opt-out provision that allows an Atheist to disconcern him/herself with the world. For an Atheist, life is Heaven, and we have to treat it as such. And that's ok. While one person can never reach the pinnacle of "perfection" by him/herself, one can get closer, and bring others closer, and take away the knowledge that they have begun rolling a ball of good that will catch others upon its journey.

The miracle of life is the amazing experience of self-consciousness. To think, reflect, remember - that's fucking amazing to me. Now, it's only for a limited time, but lets just step back, look at the big picture, and be glad we're not a worm. Being a conscious being, I believe, is a random occurrence. A random occurrence that must also be occurring in other places in this universe. But it is random and it is brief. That is what makes it so special, the uniqueness of an isolated period of time where one can reflect, think, plan, etc.

What I don't understand is why people always ask Atheists - "What is the meaning of life then?" Or, as CECU assumed, that not believing in an afterlife is equivalent to not searching for or finding meaning in life. I don't understand the notion that for life to be meaningful, it must be eternal. The things in life that are most meaningful come to an end: that first kiss, raising your children, a sunset beautiful enough to make you cry, a comet, an orgasm, a butterfly... life is full of amazing, meaningful things that have marked beginnings and endings. If anything, the short nature of being Alive breeds the opportunity for making your life more meaningful. It becomes that much more precious. Intensity of time limitation can lead to a fantastic desire to take nothing for granted and to seek meaning in everything.

We are conscious, able to self-reflect, for a limited, brief period of time. This is meaningful. It gives us the power to influence those life-forms that have not evolved to this level yet as well as others that have. Self-consciousness permits the opportunity for a great deal of meaning. My question for those who do desire to be a part of everything forever is why? I have explained my own motivations, and they boil down to rather superficial reasons.

But I really, really want to understand why those who believe do believe. Why is it fundamentally "better" to exist forever. Is that what is best for the universe? Is that what is best for the future? Is there an element of selfishness to the desire to exist eternally? Why is it less meaningful or spiritual to be a small part of something larger than any one thing can ever be?

I have what I call a "what others take with them" approach to the meaning of my life. The people I see, meet, interact with - even the child I have made, all of these people are influenced by their interactions with me. We have moments of shared self-awareness. The better person I am, the closer I get to being "good" - the more likely it is that others will pick up on that and do the same. If Daughter becomes a loving, sympathetic, encouraging, (hopefully liberal) person, that will continue, even after I no longer have self-awareness (because I am dead). Daughter, in turn, will take that with her, and influence others. The purpose of life is to facilitate good. To contribute to the evolution. To seek the things you love and to love seeking things that are good.

Admittedly, my spiritual beliefs are ever evolving. I constantly evaluate what the purpose of life is, what I can do to be better at living it, how I can become more ALIVE. I hope that in 10, 20, 30 years... I have developed a deeper understanding of the meaning of the brevity of consciousness, and the ways it can be used to help evolution. I want to become a better person, all the time, for the rest of my life. And pass that on as much as I can.