Never Give An Ex Your WebBlog Address.

"But why Lex?"

I got a telephone call from Ex-Husband this morning. Assumed he wanted to ask about something Daughter is or is not allowed to do, perhaps telephone numbers to facilitate Daughter's visits with old friends, something along those lines...

Oh no. We talked for less than 3 minutes. During this time, Ex-Husband worked in:

1) That the pants I sent on the trip with Daughter had holes. So terrible that Ex-Husband had to take her out and immediately purchase new pairs, along with new shoelaces (because the others were "too big") Daughter is nine.
2) That Daughter, counter to recent declarations of Vegetarianism, is, in fact, a true meat fan. All the talk she has engaged in regarding internal guilt about eating animals was hog-wash. Daughter was just waiting for the high-quality cooking only Ex-Husband is capable of.
3) That his snide comment to Boyfriend, at their very first meeting, "thanks for picking up the pieces" was meant to convey simple gratitude. Despite the smirk.
4) That I, upon our Saturday child-switch, looked awful. Just terrible. "Why you look so tore back?" I wanted to throw up. "Is it because you've been sick." On him.

The telephone call ended quickly. He emailed, saying it was all in good fun, that he treats all his friends with "biting" humor. I requested that he spare me.

I should not be suprised. All very typical Ex-Husband behavior. I suppose that, because we have been 1,000 miles apart for over six months, and our communications have been limited and friendly, I read too much into it. I thought he was becoming a better guy.

Ex-Husband has always liked to say mean things about people. Especially old girlfriends, people who are mad him, bosses who have fired him and teachers that gave him failing grades. He is a lot like his mother in this regard: he cuts people down to demonstrate how tall he is. Shame on me for not realizing, before I married the boy, that this trait might extend beyond people who, well, people who just plain deserve to be shit-talked. As time went on, I began to see that this was how he dealt with most people, even those he claimed to love most of all.

I was tempted to tell him that he looked fat, having gained some 20-pounds and that his girlfriend looked like her face was made of wax. Wax that had slightly melted beneath the SoCal sun. But I did not, because that's mean. His melty-face girlfriend never did anything to me. And I really don't care that he's a chunk-a-saurus.

So here I am, having the revelation that Ex-Husband is a total dickface and this will likely never change. Worse yet, he has two weeks to demonstrate his snottery to Daughter and she may well pick some up. Worst of all, he is doting on her - buying her new clothes, spending hours making her the exact dinner she desires, taking her out every day for playdates... her view of reality is going to be seriously altered when she gets back.

I know this is how it goes - the person who doesn't take care of the kid all the time, who has limited visits - will show the child a great time, and the child will associate that person with fun and a perfect life. I'm annoyed and saddened. He really has been kind of an asshole when it comes to Daughter since we split up, more than a year and a half ago. Because he is her step-father, and not her natural father, he has not contributed to her upbringing financially. Well, unless you count that he claimed her on his income taxes until just weeks ago. He made no effort to arrange her visit. I set the date, planned it, and worked with her old Berkeley friends to ensure that she could be other places on those days he couldn't take off work. And now, even though it is Boyfriend and I that have worked hard to take care of her everyday, give her a sense of normality and love... Now, it is the Ex who looks like the hero.

How long will this go on? How long before a kid notices that the "fun parent," with whom they have all these great memories, really wasn't there? I mean, I'm not going to tell her, but I assume that if he never changes, she will one day realize this herself. But when? And is that good? Is there really no hope that Ex-Husband might ever become a better person? I hate to think I was completely fooled for almost five years.... I like to think that at least the potential was there and he just never acted on it. But I'll figure out my long-term concerns for the well being of his soul some other time...

Because today. Yes, today. I only want to beat the shit out of him. Old-school, growing-up poor, getting jumped on the bus ghetto-style. Crack. Right in his big over-gelled head. Blam. Knocking his Peets Coffee out of his hand. Blam. Ruining his white Ralph Lauren sweater. With a "whamo" sign next to his face. Batman style. Knocked the fuck out.

Ah. That helped.

This is why the Ex-Husband never got the Blog address.