Exact Approximations

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

If I Believed in karma, it really is a bitch

After work yesterday, I stopped at a liquor store to fill the tank and buy bulk 5-packs of cigarettes.(reason for bulk purchase non-disclosable). Anyhow, I pulled in, swiped my debit card, put the pump in my car and let it fill up.

I walked into the liquor store and asked for five packs of cigarettes:

Cashier: "Five packs?" Seemed genuinely surprised, which kinda surprised me. Five packs doesn't seem like that many.
Lex: "Yes, five packs."
Cashier: Squinches face, cocks head slightly to the right. "Five packs?"
Lex: Dude. Seriously? I decided to make up a reason because this guy seemed so darned interested in knowing my motivations. "I have a friend with lung cancer. She has five tumors, and I'm buying her a pack for each one. It's a joke." Hearty laugh.
Cashier: Look of sheer horror.
Lex: Internal monologue: Damn Lex, you are such an insensitve asshole sometimes. That's probably too crude of a joke. What if that guy knows someone with lung cancer? Embarrassment.
I hurried out of the store with my five packs and hopped in the car. Driving off, I felt a tug and heard a thump. I was completely oblivious to the fact that I had failed to remove and replace the gas pump. And, of course, the place was packed. Everyone was looking at me like I was a complete idiot. I hit reverse, went back to the pump, parked my car, got out, and hung the pump back up. Embarrassment times three.

I thought doing something that stupid only happened in movies. The only good thing coming out of this is that I now can brag that I pulled a Garden State.

posted by Lex Fori at 5:29 PM

8 Comments:

  • Maybe you can go back next week at the same time and buy five boxes of condoms instead. "Look, I have a gay friend who just found out he's got HIV, so I'm giving him a box of condoms for each guy he banged last month." Seems as insensitive and offensive as the lung cancer joke. Might as well swing for the fences, no? :-)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:51 PM  

  • Thinking Fool just hit a homerun!

    If you are going to look for humor in every situation, and you find it, you had better laugh and enjoy it, or why did you do it in the first place!

    Lex, I did that one time, when I was going through my divorce! Only it was a work vehicle, and the cost of the hose being pulled away from the pumping machine was covered by my employer. Now they have the "Rip-away" hoses, and it is easy for them to reattach them.

    What is a "Garden State" that is a new one on me! I know New Jersey is the Garden state, but...enlighten me!

    By Blogger Crazy East Coast Uncle, at 10:34 AM  

  • TF: I like you better and better all the time.

    CECU, I did do it for the humor. But I have what I call "Inhibition Disorder." I say things sometimes and then immediately recognize that it was perhaps not the best thing to say out loud. After I said it, I felt insensitive. All non-PC and shit. But the annoying cashier was asking for it - nosey bastard!

    So when the gas thing happened to you, the entire hose came off the gas machine!?! Did gas start coming out? That's comedy. Makes me feel better that I'm not the only one.

    I call it "pulling a Garden State" based on the movie Garden State. It's one of my favorite films - there's just little things they added throught the (already fantastic) movie that are just hilarious. During one scene, the main character parks and realizes that there is a gas-tank nozzle sticking out of his car. He forgot to remove it and just drove away from the station and apparently the pump detached. After parking and realizing what happened, he removes the pump and discreetly tosses it into a nearby garbage bin. It was funny.

    By Blogger Lex Fori, at 11:59 AM  

  • I watched a woman do the pump thing. Wasn't it rigged so that it could come off so nothing worse would happen?

    I did not like Garden State. There was only plot for 5 minutes. The movie just annoyed me.

    By Blogger Arbusto, at 4:55 PM  

  • TF: I like you better and better all the time.

    Anything to replace the Nuisance! :p

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:36 PM  

  • And you give me a hard time for laughing at the most inappropriate times..
    You realize that now you have to go to the same store for the condoms and then think of something else after that. Make sure you go the same day and time that way the odds are that you'll get the same clerk. You really do belong in this family
    Loony Tunes Aunt

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:35 AM  

  • Hey DevilWorshipper, I think you need to bring your A game here on Approximations, get some comments, put CECU and his Nony sidekicks to shame...what do you day eh??? I can't do it. Up for the challenge???
    Ok, I'm done instigating. Tell Satan I said hello! (just kidding Lex, luv ya)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:55 AM  

  • Sadie, "What do you day, eh...," that sounds like a bad impression of Buckwheat :)

    Lex, bring on the A game. This week, I have some interesting topics :) It can only help us all:)

    Loony Tunes & Lex: I stick up for the women in the family!

    By Blogger Crazy East Coast Uncle, at 2:52 PM  

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