Beep-Beep A Beep-Beep Yeah

Lex Fori officially has a fancy new car. It feels like my first, although technically, my first car was Jethro, the 1986 Ford Piecer. Now I am sporting the cutest little red 2005 Altima. She needs a name, but I haven't found one that fits her perfectly just yet. Current contenders are: Alexis, Althea and Rose. I also really, really like the name Lux. But I think I'll save that one in the event that I ever 1) have another daughter or 2) Get a Lexis. Whichever comes first.

On the way to work, I was caught in traffic and found myself checking out the cars of my fellow drivers. People in Phoenix have lame bumper stickers. Here are some examples:

"MARINES: Your Best Friend, Your Worst Enemy" ~~ Really? I thought Marines were supposed to be the good guys, protecting the sweet, sweet taste of freedom or something. I don't want a Marine as my worst enemy. That's frightening.

"Viva Bush" ~~ You can't rock this sticker if you're Hispanic and driving a crap car. There is NO way Bush is acting in your interest. Maybe this sticker was placed in an attempt to gain favor in the eyes of pursuing officers. As previously blogged, Arizona police pull over Hispanics way more often than statistics allow if the numbers reflect racial distributions in the population. But this is all based on my personal experience, so I guess statistical analysis on the matter is a tad inappropriate. Put simply, Phoenix police pull over Hispanics like Oakland police pull over African-Americans. If you've spent any amount of time in Oakland, you hear what I'm clucking Big Chicken.

"Pave the Planet" ~~ On an SUV, surprise, surprise. This plain disgusted me. I mean, really, I get that you clearly don't care too much about protecting the environment, but you want to take proactive measures to ensure it's early demise? You should not be permitted to drive. Given your apparent intelligence level, I'm sure we can't execute you, so you should have to get off the road as well.

Others that I can't remember the precise wording of involved expressing the general sentiment that boils down to "Fuck off France"; Ridiculous numbers of Bush election stickers, including the powerfully simple "W" and "Tard Jr. in '04"; others include "Privatize Social Security" and "Starve the Poor." Not exactly the socially sympathetic type here in Arizona.

I used to have a great sticker that I lost in the divorce. It said "Born Ok the First Time." Double jack to born-agains and Hindus. I need to replace that sticker. Also get another one letting all the Red People know what I think of them.