Dear Miss Manners,

Fuck off. Get bent. Send your germaphobe followers to Formula 409 land.

Best, Lex Fori.

I was in a bathroom stall today with a chatty woman and her chatty friend:

Chatty Woman: "Oh my God, I was like, totally in here yesterday, and this lady came out, and she seriously didn't even wash her hands. I was like, soooo grossed out."

Chatty Woman's Friend: "Ewww... That is gross."

Chatty Woman: "I know, totally" High voice. "Isn't it?"

Toilet: Flush.

Lex: Walks out of the stall, passes sinks, and intentionally brushed myself against the stupid broad. "Oops, excuse me. I'm so totally sorry." Leaves the bathroom, all germy n stuff.